On Sunday 12 August 2018, a US-based group called ‘Sikhs for Justice’ organised a rally in London (UK) to demand what it called ‘Sikh Referendum 2020’ in the Indian state of Punjab to find whether Sikhs there want a separate State for themselves.
Before discussing what such groups exactly want, first a couple of simple questions for this group –

Does the group ‘Sikhs for Justice’ imply that they are the only Sikhs who stand for justice, and those Sikhs who are not their members don’t stand for justice? What is the meaning of the group giving the title ‘Sikhs for Justice’ exclusively to themselves?
Secondly, do the ‘Sikhs for Justice’ demand ‘Justice for All’ or ‘Justice for Sikhs only’. If it is the latter, then you should be calling your organisation ‘Sikhs for Justice for Only Sikhs’, rather than presenting yourselves as ‘saviours of everybody’. Let the group’s potential followers and observers know that the group members are not concerned about non-Sikhs – no matter how much indignities are inflicted and atrocities are committed upon them.
On the other hand, if ‘Sikhs for Justice’ stand for ‘Justice for All’, then the group needs to answer what have they done from their own side to provide justice to the families of innocent people killed by the followers of Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale, presumably their own spiritual leader? Before he was flushed out of the Golden Temple, Mr Bhindranwale led a gang of (Sikh) terrorists who killed hundreds of innocent Hindus, Nirankaris and Sikhs. According to the independently compiled reports, in the two year period between 4 August 1982, when the so-called Dharma Yudh Morcha (Sikh Jihad) was launched, and 3 June 1984 there were more than 1200 violent incidents in which 410 persons were killed and 1180 injured. In the year 1984 itself between 1 January and 3 June, 775 violent incidents happened killing 298 and injuring 525. All this happened before the Operation Blue Star and before the anti-Sikh riots following Indira Gandhi’s assassination. Do those innocent victims not deserve any justice? Before you ask for justice for yourself, shouldn’t you be asking for and doing something towards justice to the victims of your own violent campaign that provoked anti-Sikh sentiment in India in the first place?

Coming to the main issue, the State Sikh separatist elements crave for is called Khalistan, the land of the pure! The thinking is to have a state on the lines of Pakistan, the land of the pious! Pakistan and Khalistan are synonyms.

Now, a verse from the Granth Sahib, the Sikhs’ holy book, written by the 15th century Indian mystic poet and saint Kabir, says –

Awwal Allah Noor Upaya, Qudrat Ke Sab Bande!
Aik Noor Te Sab Jag Upajiya, Kaun Bhale Ko Mande!!
(God created the light from which all human-beings were born! The whole universe was born from one source; So, whom would you call good and whom bad!!)

The verse is widely quoted in Sikh teachings. So, the question the proponents of Khalistan need to answer is – Who do they call ‘pure’ and whom they would call ‘impure’, and on what basis?

The Sikh Gurus have also said, “Manas ki jaat sabai eikai pahachaanbau”, meaning ‘All human-beings are one caste; we must treat them all equally.’ So, on what basis are the proponents of Khalistan discriminating between Sikhs and non-Sikhs, and demanding a State exclusively for Sikhs? Are they not violating the teachings of the Gurus, while claiming to be their disciples?

By demanding an exclusive State for Sikhs, the proponents of Khalistan are in fact saying Sikhs can’t live with non-Sikhs, definitely not with Hindus, who are basically their cousins. If you can’t live with your cousins who are the same race as you, who speak the same language as you, who have the same ancestors as you, and who respect your religion as much as their own, which is your ancestors’, how would then Sikhs live with people of other races and other religions (in whose eyes they are still pagans) in Britain, Canada and the US? When are they going to demand separate Sikh States in those countries? In your “struggle” for Khalistan against India, you expect to get support from Western countries! Do you expect the people in Western countries to be totally dumb and not see the danger you pose to them in the future? People of Canada have not forgotten 23 June 1985 when you blew up midair Air India flight 182 operating on the Montréal-London-Delhi-Bombay route off the coast of Ireland killing 329 people. Among them were 22 Indian nationals and 280 Canadian nationals. Do you think the Canadian people thanked you for that?

You are demanding a State on the pattern of Pakistan that was created exclusively for Muslims. That State was based on ethnic cleansing. It was established by chasing out Hindus and Sikhs out their lands where they had lived for thousands of years. Now, you are craving for a State exclusively for Sikhs! You’re dreaming to chase out Hindus and other non-Sikhs from Punjab! Do you know what repercussions it could have for the Sikhs living in other parts of India? More than 5 million Sikhs live outside Punjab, in other states of India. Before demanding Khalistan, have you consulted those Sikhs? Are you going to invite all those people to join Khalistan? Do you have a settlement plan for them? Are they prepared for this? Why the socalled referendum should be confined to the state of Punjab?

Today you demand a separate State in the name of Sikhism. Suppose tomorrow a minority community among Sikhs such as Ramgarhias (who even today have separate gurudwaras) or Dalit Sikhs demand a separate State for themselves, would you accept the demand?

Would the proponents of Khalistan treat all Sikhs equally? Would you all drop your surnames showing your castes such as Sandhus and Siddhus? Why have you not done it so far?

You say Pakistan is your friend. According to the 1941 census, in some of the districts that now form Pakistan the Sikh population was as high as 19.8%. After the creation of Pakistan it dropped to 0.1% in all of them. What do you think Pakistan did to its Sikh population?
The Pakistani army and ISI might still “love” you and help you in your “fight” against India. However, in the eyes of Islam, you are still ‘disbelievers’. People like Hafez Sayeed still consider you Kafir (infidel). So, what treatment do you expect from Pakistani establishment where Zaki-ur-Rehman Lakhavi, Maulana Masood Azhar and Hafez Sayeed wield power, once Sikhs get separated from India?

Different proponents of Khalistan have made different territorial claims for the formation of Khalistan. If you are after the territory Maharaja Ranjit Singh ruled, then most of it is in Pakistan now. Are you sure that Pakistan would allow you to take over that region? Some of your leaders have made claims over Haryana, Himachal Pradesh and parts of Rajasthan too. What is the basis of these claims over these areas, where Sikhs form a tiny minority of the population, that too through immigration from Punjab in the recent decades? Or do you think you would be able to chase out non-Sikhs from those areas too?

Historically Sikhism has been pan-Indian. The Granth Sahib draws from works of saints in North as well as South India (a large part of it is written in Khari Boli and Braj Bhasha, and not in Punjabi), and many of the important seats of Sikhism such as Nankana Sahib in Pakistan, Sri Patna Sahib in Bihar and Hazur Sahib in Maharashtra are outside the Indian state of Punjab.

So, how are you going to follow the dictum Raj Bina Nahin Dharam Chale Hai (without self-rule a religion can’t keep going) with many important seats of Sikhism still outside the raj (rule) of Khalistan/Sikhistan?

The proponents of Khalistan also need to inform their potential followers a bit about the character of the proposed State –
As you also believe Dharam Bina Sab Dalle Malle Hai (without religion everyone gets trampled upon), first and foremost question is, what would be the position of clergy in the governmental system of Khalistan? You were happy for Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale to occupy the Golden Temple and stockpile a large quantity of weapons and ammunition there.

Would in your Khalistan both the government and the religion be run by the clergy sitting in the Golden Temple and they would be allowed to store weapons & ammunition in gurudwaras and keep an army? Or would there be an elected government? If the government would be formed through elections, what power the clergy would have over the government ‘to stop it from trampling over everyone’?

Or would you follow the Pakistan model where the army has the overriding power over the elected government, and religious clergy is kept subordinate to the government. If you adopt that model, how would the dictum of ‘Dharam Bina Sab Dalle Malle Hai’ be taken care of?

Assuming Punjabi in Gurumukhi to be the official language, and being “progressive” leaders you would like people to learn English too. But would people be allowed to learn other foreign languages such as Hindi, Urdu, Persian, etc and watch foreign films such as Hindi and English movies, and whether they would be allowed to have full access to the internet? Such freedoms could have corrupting influence on the “pure” people of Khalistan, you know! What dress code men and women would be made to follow? If a man wants to cut his hair, or shave his beard, what punishment would they be given? Basically, how would you deal with a ‎bajjarprati?

The most important question is – Whether there would be any freedom of religion at all in Khalistan? One would assume going back into the Hindu fold would not be tolerated in Khalistan. You would most probably have death penalty for such people! But what if a person wants to get converted into Islam or Christianity, how would they be dealt with? Would you kill them too, or would you let them change their religion?

Remember, if you let people change their religion, theoretically everyone can change their religion, and the Khalistan could disappear. It is not entirely impossible – Sethis, Bajwas, Cheemas and Ranas in Pakistan got converted from Sikhism to Islam. On the other hand, if you bar people from changing into Islam, do you expect to have friendly relations with Pakistan? Furthermore, if you bar people from converting into Christianity, how those of you who live in Western countries would justify your right to profess and propagate your religion in these countries? What if these primarily Christian countries bar you from practicing any non-Christian faith? You would be denying the citizens of Khalistan the rights that you enjoy yourself in the West. Would that be justifiable? You murdered Nirankari Chief, you attacked followers of other cults and faiths! And, you expect the West and the World to support you! Pakistan may support you till you get separated from India. Do you believe Pakistan to continue to coddle you, particularly when some of you talk of breaking up Pakistan too!

You proclaim Sikhs are a separate nation and your history starts only from the time of Sikh Gurus (about 500 years ago), and you have no connection with the Hindus! How has this come about? Are Sikhs a different species and were airdropped by ‘God’ into the land of Punjab! Contrary to your belief, no such thing happened – Get your DNA checked and you would find that you have the same blood as Jats of Haryana, Rajputs of Rajasthan, Khatris of Punjab and the rest of Hindus. Your ancestors were the same as those of the Hindus. This is a physical fact.

But you have developed such hatred towards your ancestors that you hate the connection with them – actually you don’t even acknowledge the connection. Well, how would you feel if a section of your descendants hates you the same way? Imagine one of your grandsons or great grandsons turning their back on Sikhism and calling you ‘backward thinking’! You think it cannot happen? Your ancestors also never thought that their descendants would hate them the way you do. There was a convention among the Hindus of Punjab. They used to make one of their sons join Sikh panth. They never imagined that their descendants would disown and hate them. The law of nature is – What goes around, comes around – if you hate your ancestors, your descendants would do the same to you.

You are hankering after a homeland for Sikhs, and you say that India is the homeland of Hindus only. Would you then say that India is not the homeland of Jains, whose religious philosophy and traditions separate from the so-called Hindus are much older than yours – more than two thousand years old?

You may not, but the rest of the world can see – India is the homeland of not merely Hindus. India is the birthplace of Sikhism, Jainism and Buddhism along with Sanatan Dharma. And India is the homeland of every person who calls themselves Indian, whatever their race or faith. India is certainly the homeland of Sikhs. How can it not be the homeland of Sikhs when a Sikh became the prime minister of India twice in the space of 15 parliaments after Independence! There is no top position in the country that Sikhs, with less than 2% population, have not occupied.

Khalistan is primarily a Diaspora construct. The first known proponent of Khalistan, Davinder Singh Parmar migrated to London in 1954 and asserted the demand for an independent state of Khalistan. And the chief proponent of Khalistan was Jagjit Singh Chohan who moved to the United Kingdom, to start his campaign for creation of Khalistan, after losing the Punjab Assembly elections in 1969. It was Chohan who raised the Khalistani flag in Birmingham in 1970, and placed an advertisement in the New York Times in 1971 proclaiming an independent Sikh state.

Most of the Groups such as Babbar Khalsa International, International Sikh Youth Federation, and Sikhs for Justice also are based in the US, Canada and the UK. So would you really go back to Khalistan if it ever gets formed? Or do you just want to push the Sikhs of India into a swamp?
Don’t you think, you have done enough damage to the Sikhs – from being seen as ‘Sardar ji’ (leader/protector), they were reduced to ‘suspected terrorists’ all over India at one time; their job prospects and business interests suffered; and economically from Number One position in India, Punjab, though still above the Indian average, has drastically come down in its ranking among the states – the thirteenth position in 2016-17.

Just to say, immature Justin Trudeau might be romancing with you, but the people of Canada aren’t. They were aghast at Mr Trudeau’s antics, as you might have noticed by the reaction in the Canadian media, when he was dancing with Khalistanis at the Taj Mahal during his last unwelcome visit to India. The UK authorities might allow you to hold a rally in London, but people in the UK, France, Belgium, Spain, and Germany have had their fair share of Islamic terror, and haven’t got any more appetite for supporting terrorist organisations against other countries. Your track record isn’t exactly very peaceful.

Long gone are the days when anti-India elements used to get support from Western establishments. Among the Indian Sikh community there is zilch support for you. Whether you hold a rally in London or New York, you would get nowhere.
It might be an idea that you now pack up and go home, and let the Land of the Gurus have peace and prosperity as it was before you developed a craving for the mirage called Khalistan.

Copyright © 2018 Krishan Tyagi. All Rights Reserved.

some feedbacks received by the author on his personal website:

As always, your article is well written, informative and above all educative and rational.”
Mukat Singh, Educationist

“It’s a very well researched and logically advanced sharp rebuttal of the Khalistani movement. Thank you for sharing.”
Shivkant Sharma, former Sr Producer, BBC World Service

“The questions raised are very appropriate.”
Sardar Jagmohan Singh

“I found it a very passionate argument against Khalistan.  I liked the fact that you quote from Sikh scriptures and remind people of the terrorism that Khalistanis carried out in the eighties.  The facts you give lend a lot of weight to your argument.  The only thing I can say against the article, is that I suspect some people won’t like it at all.  Personally, I think the points you make are very valid.”
Jeanice, Development Activist

“Very impressed with the article!  These elements pose a challenge to the Sikh community.”
Kailash Budhwar, former Head of the BBC Hindi Service

 

Ms. Manushri Chhilar won the international title of Ms World 2017 by answering the question “Which occupation do you think should be the highest paid?” She answered “A mother and a housewife at home should be the highest paid job.” Are we going to stop only at the theoretical level?  Are these nice-sounding words only for winning a contest?

Everyone in this world needs attention and appreciation. It is human nature and no one is an exception. Then why women working at home should not receive appreciation?

She no longer wants to be tagged as God. She wants respect, love and financial security.

She is tired of living double standards, one standard for him and a different one for her. Her tolerance is coming to an end – in the name of adjustments for children, home and marriage.

A housewife/mother is smart and intelligent. She uses all her energy for minute details for home and family. She is multi-tasking, efficient and perfectionist, yet she is not appreciated and valued.

We value any services when we pay in terms of money. It is not a fight between genders. It is about changing human nature. When we pay someone for cooking, house-help and childcare, we value them. And if we need to speak our mind with them, we do it carefully because we don’t want to lose them. Then why should a housewife and  mother be taken for granted?

One day, passing through a colony I heard someone calling out my name. It was Vandana. The last time I met her was 20 years back, when we were in school. What a coincidence and unexpected surprise to see her!

She invited me to her home. While she went to get me water, I looked around the sitting room. I looked at her family picture on the wall. It was clear she was married with kids and had a pretty good house. Everything looked perfect from outside but her face and health were telling a different story.  Dark circles around eyes, and stress on her face made her look older than her age.

I asked an obvious question. “What do you do?” She replied with her eyes down, in a soft and unconfident voice “housewife” as if she was ashamed of it.

Immediately to comfort her I said “That is the greatest job”, my eyes were down too.

She smiled with the eyes down again. What a fake conversation. After some time, I made an excuse and left the place. Her face haunted me for many days.

This is the story of almost every housewife in India. She is suffering from low self-esteem, financial dependency, suppressed anger and desires. Most of the time she also suffers from iron, vitamin B12 and calcium deficiencies, depression and various health issues.

There is a custom in some regions of India during Holi – the festival of colors, that all the wives of the village have total freedom to hit their husband with a stick, and all the husbands defend themselves with a shield. Sometimes while hitting, she cries aloud, sometimes she seems to enjoy. There are different emotions at play, but all is done in good spirit. It might look silly to an outsider but it is a healthy way to get rid of the accumulated anger and suppression.

In urban areas, an educated woman has to step out of her home and take up a job to live in dignity. Now she manages herself, home, children, and her job.  She has her own car, bank balance and manages shopping, business meetings, and outstation conferences. She is more confident and secure. She is appreciated for her creativity, spontaneity and ability. She too has less free time like a man.

I feel this is not the solution either. This is just taking the situation from one extreme to another, and that is the truth. This kind of situation often leads to a compromise with children and home. Many women lose interest in motherhood. She is afraid to make a commitment.

What is the solution then?

Silya is a smart girl with many talents. She easily got a job after her college and got promotion in a few months.

One day she met a boy and they fell in love. After two years they decided to get married.

Silya was clear what she wanted from life. She said “I have good experience of job and work, after marriage I want to dedicate myself to my family and children”.  The boy agreed and said “This is also what I want”.

Next day Silya penned down some important points on the paper and asked her boyfriend to sign it.

It was written:-

Whatever property, money, and bank balance I owe, I share 50% with Silya in case we separate in future for whatsoever reason. After our marriage, every month I will transfer 25% of my total income to Silya’s account.

He said “This is obvious, why to write and get it signed? Don’t you trust me?”

Silya said “I trust you, which is why I am leaving my, running- income and all other life-style benefits, just to take care of my family. It is like a government job, where we perform our best in a secure environment.”

He said “I wish my sister would have same clarity” and he signed the papers for her satisfaction.

It is now eight years of their marriage and they have two children. They argue almost every day, but no big fights. Silya loves to serve her family, and he loves and appreciates her work.

The solution lies in a little insecurity to men and little more security to women. A mother and housewife deserve payment for her job just like the man. And this agreement is the practical solution.

To identify the root cause of all our problems, we need to be more aware, and for that we need to have more inner silence. Silence enables us to resolve our problems with ease.

The daily practice of mediation helps us to build the inner silence gradually, and to bring back the balance in our daily life. Else we will continue living in extremes with never-ending problems.

During the recent state assembly elections in Gujarat (December 2017) the Congress party leader Rahul Gandhi not only declared himself to be a ‘devotee of Shiva’ and a jane-u-dhaari (sacred-thread bearing, meaning staunch believer, orthodox) Hindu, he also picked up three disparate elements from the body politic of Gujarat – a so-called Dalit activist Jignesh Mevani, a so-called OBC activist Alpesh Thakur, and a self-styled Patidar leader Hardik Patel. All these three “young leaders” emerged on the scene of Gujarat politics by starting agitations to demand reservations in jobs and other amenities for their own castes. Apart from “impressing” the people of Gujarat with his new avatar as jane-u-dhaari Hindu, newly appointed Congress party president Rahul Gandhi’s politics in Gujarat revolved around ‘Caste’. While giving assurance of more favourable treatment to the so-called “Dalits” (a term used for former untouchable castes, literally meaning ‘the oppressed’) and “Other Backward Castes (OBCs)”, Rahul Gandhi offered the lollipop of ‘reservation in jobs’ to the most dominant caste of Gujarat – Patidars/Patels.

And, the strategy worked to a great extent. The party nearly won the elections. In the state legislative assembly, the party and its alliance partners now occupy 81 seats, quite close to the half-way mark of 91 seats. Realising the potential strength of the strategy adopted by the Congress party, PM Modi spent days campaigning in Gujarat in Gujarati (quite uncharacteristic of NaMo), had to raise the question of Gujarati pride (His being called ‘Neech’ meaning ‘low person’ by a Congress politician was an insult to all Indians who elected him as the PM, but Narendra Modi kept it associated with Gujaratis only – ‘Isn’t it an insult of Gujaratis?, he asked). In other words, Rahul Gandhi’s strategy to divide Gujaratis on caste-lines made nationally popular Prime Minister Narendra Modi jump through hoops to scrape through the state assembly elections in his own home state!

Had the Congress party won the Gujarat elections, where would the state be today! By this time the claims and counter-claims of backwardness and the degrees of backwardness of various Castes would have overwhelmed the Gujarat government.

And what implications the reservations for Patels in Gujarat would have for other states! Marathas in Maharashtra, Reddys and Kammas in AP, Lingayats in Karnataka, and Vanniyars in Tamil Nadu would have been up in arms demanding immediate OBC status for themselves.

Where would caste-based reservations take the country to! This formula of providing “social justice”, invented by Indian politicians, took the country to a near civil war between “Backwards” and “Forwards” in the early 1990s. More recently, in February 2016 during the agitation to get Jats included in the OBCs, the largescale violence against the public property and other communities paralysed the state of Haryana for 10 days. National highways and trains were blocked. Several incidents of inter-caste violence, particularly against the small Saini and Punjabi communities, took place across Haryana. There were reports of mass rapes of women travelling through the state. The agitation was estimated to have caused a loss of ₹340 billion (US$5.3 billion) in northern India. And, according to the Haryana Police 30 people got killed and over 200 people were injured in the agitation.

Caste is a divisive, dangerous and destructive force.
Yet, caste has been the curse of Indian society for a long time. The so-called upper castes inflicted indignities on the former “untouchables” under the Varna Vyavastha (CasteSystem) for many hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Some people still harbour caste prejudices. Nearly seven decades after caste untouchability was abolished by the Constitution of India, more than a fourth of Indians say they continue to practise it in some form in their homes. A survey conducted in over 42,000 households across India by the National Council of Applied Economic Research (NCAER) and the US University of Maryland in 2011-12 found that 27 percent of Indians still practice caste untouchability.

And the incidents of caste repression and violence against the so-called lower caste people happen even today. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 47,064 cases of crimes against Dalits – ranging from rape, murder, beatings, and violence related to land matters – were registered in 2014.

However, the caste narrative is not linear. It is not just the people from the socalled upper castes who harbour caste prejudices; the “victims” have internalised and perpetuated caste system too. In northern India, Chamars have been the victims of caste discrimination and repression at the hands of the socalled upper castes. And, they in turn have considered themselves superior to Balmikis. According to the above quoted survey, not only the practice of caste untouchability was prevalent among the so-called upper castes, 15 per cent of Scheduled Caste (Dalits) and 22 per cent of Scheduled Tribe respondents admitted to the practice against whom they considered “even more lower castes”!
Also, while some people suffer caste repression, others from “the disadvantaged communities” reap political and economic benefits from it. The organisation of political parties on caste lines such as RJD, SP and BSP shows a big section of politicians thrives on the caste divisions in the society. One unfortunate incident of assault against Dalits in Una in Gir Somnath district made Jignesh Mewani become a new Dalit leader overnight. Mayawati became chief minister of Uttar Pradesh, the largest state of India, four times primarily through playing the Dalit card. As the most important Dalit leader in present times, Mayawati received presents from her followers worth hundreds of crores on her birthdays. A good number of well-off Dalits, sometimes three to four generations of the same family, who have never suffered a social impediment themselves, have benefitted from caste-based reservations in jobs and promotions. Senior civil service officers and university professors benefitting from castebased reservations, who claim their own children need reservations in jobs, display a clear vested interest in the perpetuation of Caste. In fact, this section of the socalled Dalits is deep down quite happy to see some caste atrocities taking place in remote areas so that that can be forwarded as justification for reservation in jobs for themselves. In South Africa too, there were some sections of the Black population who benefitted from the Apartheid.

Many corrupt and dishonest people occupy high places in the body politic of India due to casteism. Convicted criminals get elected to state legislative assemblies and Indian parliament because of people’s caste allegiance towards them. Many dishonest Indian politicians believe that even if they are found out and convicted for corruption, they can get re-elected because their caste fellows would still vote for them. And there is no point in pretending otherwise. A large number of Indian electorate ignores the corruption indulged in by politicians coming from their castes. Lalu Prasad Yadav is a prime example of that. A many-times convicted criminal Lalu Prasad, whose whole family is now being probed for corrupt deals, is still ruling the roost in Bihar because his caste folk still vote for him. Lalu Prasad is not the only one. The country is full of people who are known to be corrupt, and yet a huge number of their caste fellows support them. Casteism is largely responsible for dishonesty and corruption in the government administration of the country.

Like racism, Caste severely damages people’s lives at individual level and badly weakens the society. As quoted by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Picket in their book, The Spirit Level: Why Greater Equality Makes Societies Stronger, in 2004, World Bank economists Karla Hoff and Priyanka Pandey reported the results of a remarkable experiment. They took 321 high-caste and 321 low-caste 11 to 12 year old boys from scattered rural villages in India, and set them the task of solving mazes. First, the boys did the puzzles without being aware of each other’s caste. Under this condition the low-caste boys did just as well with the mazes as the high-caste boys, indeed slightly better. Then, the experiment was repeated, but this time each boy was asked to confirm an announcement of his name, village, father’s and grandfather’s names, and caste. After this public announcement of caste, the boys did more mazes, and this time there was a large caste gap in how well they did – the performance of the low-caste boys dropped significantly. The same phenomenon has been demonstrated in experiments with white and black high-school students in America, most convincingly by social psychologists Claude Steele at Stanford University, and Joshua Aronson at New York University. In one study they administered a standardized test used for college students’ admission to graduate programmes. In one condition, the students were told that the test was not a measure of ability; and in the second condition, the students were told that the test was a measure of ability. The white students performed equally under both conditions, but the black students performed much worse when they thought their ability was being judged. Steele and Aronson labelled this effect ‘stereotype threat’ and it has now been shown that it is a general effect, which applies to sex differences as well as racial and ethnic differences.
Commenting on the experiments, Richard Wilkinson and Kate Picket write, ‘This is striking evidence that performance and behaviour in an educational (and employment) situation can be profoundly affected by the way we feel we are seen and judged by others. When we expect to be viewed as inferior, our abilities seem to be diminished.’
The politicians supporting the recognition of caste in the public sphere do no good to the communities whose interests they claim to champion. People from those communities are subjected to a psychological onslaught by their own leaders and other do-gooders. People are told day and night that ‘because you’re born in this and this community, you can never be equal to people born in that and that community.’ The feeling of ‘inferiority’ is inculcated which leads to low selfesteem. And, lower expectation from a section of society becomes a universal belief. “Progressive and socialist” politicians give them a special treatment and television anchors handle them with kid gloves. Quite healthy, well-to-do and normal people are treated as ‘special needs cases’. People are forced to live in psychological complexes all their life.
The Indian society has become so conditioned that people are living the belief that they are born “inferior”. This is not healthy for the society or the state.

For a healthy society and for the survival of a State, a feeling of equality among its citizens is paramount – if any section of citizens feels it is being discriminated against at the social level or by the State, the system would break down one day or the other.

The system devised by Indian politicians to counter the maleficent effect of Caste and to achieve “social justice” is Caste-based Reservations in jobs and educational institutions. The Caste-based Reservations system superimposes itself on the caste discriminations in the society. Thus the discrimination operates at two levels now – reinforcing each other. As the Caste-system punished people on the basis of their birth in a particular family, over which no one has any control, so does the State operated Caste-based Reservations system. This system is basically an inverse image of the Caste-system, and is even more inimical to equality since it is operated by the State.

There was a justification for reservation on the basis of caste for former untouchables for a limited time, when this section of the society was almost universally socially segregated and faced Apartheid like conditions. Today the situation is very different, and caste is no longer the criterion with which people’s social status is determined. No one in the Indian society would now accord a higher social status to a so-called Brahman working as a peon in an office or a Rajput working as a porter at a railway station compared to a high ranking bureaucrat coming from a Dalit family. How could the State say that all Dalits face the same social impediment as they did in 1950, when the system of reservations was introduced, and all the people from the so-called upper castes are in advantageous positions!

And, what are OBCs? Who suppressed Jats, Yadavs and Gurjars? They are Kshatriyas. Lodh-Rajputs are supposed to be high caste Kshatriyas. Where is the social impediment that these communities have suffered! Anyone who is familiar with how the Caste-system operates in Indian villages would know that the village has a dominant land owning, agriculturist community supported by subsidiary communities/families such as badhi (carpenter), luhaar (ironsmith), kumhaar (potter), dhobi (washer man), julaaha (weaver), darji (tailor), naai (barber), baman/brahman (priest), bania (shopkeeper) and former untouchables, who were generally landless workers. Jats, Rajputs, Marathas, Yadavs, Patels and Gurjars are the dominant, land owning communities in North India. They all know it well. In the society they domineer by calling themselves Chaudhari and Thakur (meaning, lords of the villages) and before the government they claim to be “backward”! In fact these dominant communities are the main classes who have committed excesses against the former untouchables. Many reports have shown Yadavs (UP and Bihar) Jats (Western Uttar Pradesh and Haryana) and Gurjars (Rajasthan) to be the main perpetrators in northern India in the past. Today they are demanding reservations for themselves! The perpetrators of injustice are claiming to be victims of injustice! To begin with, the leaders of the casteist Samajwadi Party played the biggest fraud on genuinely backward communities by getting their own dominant Yadav caste included in the category of OBCs. They were then joined in this deception by leaders of other powerful communities such as Lodh Rajputs. Lately the inclusion of Tyagis, who are a landed class among Brahmans, into the category of OBCs in the state of Haryana, a byproduct of the Jat agitation, finally shows that OBCs is the most bogus category of people being provided reservations in jobs. Are Tyagis poorer than non-Tyagi Brahmans! If anything it is the other way. Who are these “bodies” adjudging the eligibility of a community to be included in the OBCs! Or is it not simply whoever is able to bully the government by blocking roads and trains and by indulging in violence against public property gets the status of OBC!

India has been on the wrong path since VP Singh threw down the gauntlet of Mandal Commission recommendations to checkmate his deputy Devi Lal in 1990 (Political analysts believe, had Devi Lal not rebelled, VP Singh would have never come up with that idea), and as Sahir Ludhianvi said ‘Dard ka had sei badh jaana hai dawaa ho jaanaa (meaning, when the pain crosses its limits, it becomes a remedy), inclusion of Tyagis in the list of OBCs proves how ridiculous and unfair this approach is. The so-called OBCs represent the travesty of the system meant to deliver ‘social justice’! The caste consciousness that was on the decline for four and half decades in the Independent India has been successively increasingly since the introduction of OBCs into the system.

The system devised by the Indian State is basically an antithesis to equality.
If you ask a so-called upper caste person, ‘Why don’t you treat people from the so-called lower castes equally? And their answer is – ‘If they compete with me equally, I would accept them equal. If they don’t, how could they be considered equal?’

So, the proponents of Caste-based Reservations should know, as long as there is caste-based reservation system, achieving a caste-less society or caste equality is out of the question. Some of them argue, “Oh, equality does not mean you treat ‘unequals’ equally. ‘Unequals’ have to be treated unequally.” Well then within the castes also there are inequalities – there is a huge range of economic and social inequalities in the so-called Dalit communities as it is in the so-called upper castes. The children of Ram Vilas Paswan and those of a Dalit construction worker aren’t exactly ‘Equals’ either. The question is – ‘What Unequals’ are to be matched with ‘What Unequal’ treatment’ in ‘What Situations’? A huge number of matrices showing ‘different treatment’ to ‘different unequals’ in ‘different situations’ would be needed – dividing the whole of Indian society into three or four categories would not suffice. Following that argument, until all those matrices are prepared and executed, equality cannot be claimed to be achieved.
No matter what way we look at it, the system of caste-based reservations devised by Indian politicians has not delivered equality. The system has reached the stage where it is unjust to many born in the so-called upper castes who also suffer from economic and social impediments (this feeling lies at the base of Jat, Patel and Maratha agitations), and cheats those among the ‘reserved categories’ who are really weak and deserve help. Those who insist on continuing it are actually accepting that despite operating the Castebased Reservations for seven decades, social inequalities still remain. The socalled upper castes jumping into the fray demanding reservations for themselves only shows increasing caste conflicts and the old divisions in the society becoming worse.

Caste is a complex phenomenon and it has been made more and more complicated by short-sighted and selfish politicians, out to gain power no matter what the cost to the society. But one thing is definite – Caste is holding India back and no one particular section of the society can be entirely blamed for the malaise India is in.
The State of India needs to review its 70 year old policy to achieve social justice through caste-based reservations. Furthermore, every reservation system – whether based on race, caste, gender or income – does need to be balanced against the loss of efficiency it leads to. Therefore, India very seriously needs to look at how other countries have solved the problem of social and racial inequities in their societies. After all, the word “caste” comes from the Portuguese language! There has been “Serfdom” in Europe and “Slavery” in the US, and they have resolved those problems long ago. As this author mentioned in a previous article Racism in India, in Britain a great level of racial equality has been achieved in a span of 30 to 40 years without any reservations in jobs.

To develop as a modern society, India must tackle the issue of Caste RATIONALLY. People have no control over where they are born. They are citizens of India, and the Constitution of India at one time did guarantee the dignity of individual, without any discrimination on the basis of caste, creed and colour. Government and society both need to work to have equality at all levels of life.

Otherwise, as this author wrote before, no country has got a divine right to remain united and progress for ever. Religion divided India; Caste could destroy it.

Copyright © 2018 Krishan Tyagi. All Rights Reserved.

This article has also been published in India Link International, Apr–May 2018Caste
The Achilles Heel of India
By Krishan Tyagi

 

A HOMAGE  TO  KIMATRAI BAHARMAL KHUSHALANI

 Bringing to you the Late Shri Kimatrai Baharmal  Khushalani’s  essay UTILITY OF HONESTY IN TRADE. Priced two annas, published in 1936, this essay was awarded a Gold Medal  based on an All India competition held in 1934. Readers will find that the essay is as relevant today as it was then. We begin with a foreword which was published along with the essay – Editor

A  Foreword  by
S. G.  Sastry Esq.,  B. A.t  M. Sc.  (Lond),  F. C. S.,
Director of Industries  and  Commerce  in  Mysore.
THE DHARMA  SAMAJA
BANGALORE   CITY., 1936.
Price: Annas 2
[All Rights  Reserved.]

FOREWORD

I welcome the opportunity afforded to me by. the Secretary of the Dharma Samaja, Chickpet, Bangalore City, to write a foreword to the Prize Essay on the subject of “Utility of Honesty in Trade”  by Mr. K. B. Khushalani. BE

The Dharma Samaja is being conducted by an enthusiastic group of young men who feel that there is an ever growing need for conducting trade and commerce of the country in the true and ancient spirit of the “Vanik Dharma.” This harkening back to the old traditions and ideals is a good sign amongst the youth of the country and should be welcomed and encouraged in all ways

Owing to changes in the political and economic conditions of the people, traditional and time-honoured ways of carrying on trade and commerce of the country  have   undergone many changes, alas, for the worse.

Now-a-days the spirit of fair-play in commercial transactions is lacking. The mutual trust that ought to exist between the buyer and seller is absent. As of old, the buyer and seller make offers and counter-offers but in many instances bargaining degenerates into cheating. Either the buyer or the seller always tries to take a mean advantage over the other. Once upon a time, the motto of commercial transactions used to be ‘ Good value for money – This is no longer the rule.

One often finds in transactions between two countries especially if one of them is more advanced than the other the former country exploits the ignorance and helplessness of the latter country to the utmost and charges unconscionably high rates for goods supplied. Importers of machinery and other equipment in India know this too well.

One of the most regrettable forms that this cheating has assumed is the adulteration of goods offered for sale. I do not state that this is peculiar to India only but so long as it does exist in this country, it must be taken note of and attempts made to eradicate the evil. Once upon a time this evil was rampant in all our staple exports to foreign countries but it is gradually on the decline owing to legislation in some cases, owing to the realisation on the part of the exporters that it does not pay to adulterate commodities, and also owing to inferior position allotted to such commodities in International markets along side with similar commodities from other countries. There is also an increasing moral pressure being exercised by those who believe in a fair deal.

But nearer home, in all our markets – small or great – the evil of adulteration of foodstuffs is on the increase. This is nothing short of a criminal practice and ought to be put down ruthlessly by legal and other methods. Whereas the mixing of cotton with woollen goods or cotton with silk goods or mixing silk and Rayon and pass off the articles as real 100 per cent woollen, real 100 per cent silk, etc. may not have such consequences, the adulteration of foodstuffs  strikes  at

the  health  of the community itself.  Whatever may  have been the genesis of this situation, so long as it exists it is high time that the Government took early steps to put down the evil-   It  is  unnecessary  to  enumerate  cases  of  such adulteration as every householder will  be able  to prepare a long list.

One special field in which adulteration becomes a positive sin should be mentioned. This relates to drugs and medicines. Anybody who is inclined to go through the Drug Enquiry Committee Report will find ample recorded evidence of so called medicines sold in the markets not being medicines at all. It is regrettable that scientists have abused their knowledge in some instances and are committing the unforgivable sin of tampering with and adulterating medicines which are meant to alleviate human distress and save human lives. Such deceit could be, to some extent, controlled by drastic legislation but that cannot be expected to prevent fraud in trade for ever as man-made laws cannot be fool proof. But even here, unfortunately, India is lagging behind the other countries which have enacted stringent legislative measures to punish such people by award of deterrent sentences. Unscrupulous foreign merchants knowing full well that their crime goes undetected in India for lack of laboratories and further goes unpunished for lack of legislation in the matter have been running “amock” as it were, in Indian markets and label all sorts of fraudulent preparations as potent medicines which not only do not cure the disease but impoverish the poor and ignorant public.

The best security against such practices is a high sense of morality among the manufacturers and traders themselves. If “Honesty as a faith” does not appeal to one and all, at least “Honesty as a policy” ought to be the guiding factor in all our economic transactions. The Trade Guilds of our country and the Graff and Merchant Guilds of mediaeval Europe exercised a powerful influence on their members dealings and one would wish for the revival of this “Guild’ Spirit” through the modern trade organisations. Enlightened public opinion based on a high sense of morality is the best guarantee for the protection of the public against commercial frauds. The members of the Dharma Samaja have in this direction a rich field for effective and enduring social service.

I do not want the foreword to be longer than the text itself and I should draw a line at this point. I wish the Dharma Samaja and all the enthusiastic workers connected with it every luck and success in their endeavours. Their work is not easy but they must carry on with a missionary spirit and try their level best to see that the trade and commerce of the country are carried on in the true spirit of ancient “Vanik Dharma“.

S. G. SASTRY,
Director Of Industries And Commerce In Mysore.
Bangalore, (21st September 1956)          

UTILITY OF HONESTY IN TRADE
HONESTY THE BEDROCK OF SUCCESS
An award winning essay by K.B. Khushalani

1. Honesty, more natural than dishonesty

The fundamental principles of Human Existence are Truth and Honesty, for, everybody is more honest than dishonest; the   greatest liar utters more truths than lies. This is part of the general fact that there is more goodness in the World than badness or Evil, though occasionally we find appalling crimes, which are rather aberrations or freaks and do not proceed from the intrinsic nature of the World. In fact, a perfect liar is really a ‘ truthful man”, for, we can then always. say that truth must be other than what he speaks. By a liar we mean an occasional liar, and he is really a dangerous man. So is it in the case of Honesty- By a dishonest man we al­ways understand one who is occasionally dishonest. Thus honesty is more natural than dishonesty, and that is why it betrays its nature from beneath the darkest cloaks, and we can’t once suspect that the man is dishonest. It is exactly because of the same reason that crimes are detected, for, every hap­pening leaves its traces, and, try as we may, we will not be able to hide them. Again that which is natural is beneficial, for it works in a graceful manner; and honesty, when allowed its free play, works wonders, specially in the long run. In trade; one has to depend on the good-will of many, and honesty is the best means to the end. Honesty should be practised in all walks of life; it is a strength and a support in all matters of routine; it has all advantages and only one apparent dis­advantage, that sometimes one feels that there is loss, but really that  is temporary and   in   many cases only apparent.

There are often trials and, when one successfully stands them, he comes out nobler and brighter. Every trouble means a fur­ther rise, and the greater the opposition it offers in surmounting, the better are its results. The fruit is simply delayed, but never denied, and if and when withheld longer, it is paid with in­terest. One has only to be patient and watching; he should muster up courage and should never be disheartened. All obstacles are meant for training; they are cleverly designed and intentionally set, each for its purpose, and each variant in design, and different in colour to suit the particular case. All this is for Honesty generally; in trade, its results are direct, cheap and comparatively earlier than elsewhere.

2. Trade differentiated from other occupations as regards honesty.

Trade is different from other occupations, in that its, adherent is independent. It is his merit alone that counts; he is the master of the situation, controlled only by market rates. It is a profession peculiar in it­self. In spite of the trader’s dealings with many people of different temperaments, for whose pleasure and custom he has to strive constantly which he can do better by honesty rather than by dishonesty, he can remain independent and can main­tain his self-respect fully well. Of course, there are some people always and everywhere, who can never be pleased by any means, honest or dishonest. As they are few and far between, they should never be bothered about, and it is always preferable to ignore their custom rather than hanker after them.

 

3. Businessman   should fulfill   his part of   duty

The relationship of the customer and the merchant is one in which are involved  the interests of   both.   The  former wants   supply of good articles  at a reasonable price,   while the latter is after the custom  of the former; and the maintenance of the tie depends upon both   the reasonableness of the one and the honesty   of the   other.    The   businessman, who   wants to establish himself well, should fulfil his   duty and the customer will automatically do his.    Granting that men are   unreasona­ble,  yet it in no  way   pays   the   dealer to   be   dishonest with them, though  we   should   consider the   average   buyer who is seldom unreasonable in his demands.    In case a purchaser ex­pects too much concession,   it should be explained to him for an amicable deal, as few would grudge the fair profits of a dealer. It is only when a dealer   sets   his   prices unreasonably   high that he does not like to explain his   position.    Explaining the position is not disposing   trade   secrets, which   are as dear to  any  one else, and principles of honesty  do not their  revelition.    The   position of the buyer is slightly superiot to that of the   seller in the respect   that the choice of choosing his suppliers is in his hands; and this is a further rea­son for the seller to   adapt his behaviour in accordance with the likes and dislikes of the buyer.    None will or can say that any purchaser ever wants his supplier to be dishonest to him. From the time he enters the   shop or   negotiates by   corres­pondence, his pleasure   is to be considered   supreme, and it is the duty of the dealer to see that   he gives no   cause for any suspicion.    But, as the face is the index to the mind, he can­not successfully do it unless he practises honesty.   Customers are free birds, they cannot be tied down to one shop unless-there is something to attract them, and the best that the-owner of the shop can offer is his sincerity.

4. Dishonest tricks practised by the Seller and their detrimental effects.

The kind of honesty  expected  from   the trader is :—

                     (i) Honesty in talk

(a) While recommending his articles to his customer he should neither exaggerate their qualities, nor assign to them any­more qualities than they possess, and

(b)    He should   not at   the   same time,   speak low of others’ articles,  but   should restrict  himself only to praising his own.

                     (ii) Honesty in rate

He should keep his rates fixed   once and for all.    The tendency to snatch   as much from the other party as possible is counterproductive and creates suspicion in the mind of the customer

A prudent businessman should avoid flexible rates, he should  see that the rates are in fair  level with the market price. Of course no two traders can keep the rates of all articles the same; it is just like saying, that no two watches tally exactly, and if they do at all, they cannot continue to do so for long; yet as much of standardization as can possibly be attained should be aimed at.

                       (iii) Honesty in samples.

Dishonesty- in this   can   be of   two kinds. Some dealers show samples from the best lot, they want to sell but quote prices   for   the    inferior  articles;   others choose as their sample  the best of the  lot they want to  sell,

but the sample does not represent the average of the stock. Both practices are decidedly not good and should be discouraged; it is only a question of  degree as between them, the former being worse, and the latter bad.

                       (iv) Honesty in Supply

(a)     It is a practice   with   many   dealers   to   show one article as a sample and supply   another an inferior one. Some of them maintain great differences in the qualities and some keep less. The former are ruled out at the first stroke by the purchaser in his choice and they seldom continue as traders for long, whereas the latter carry on, but cut no good figure. Thus, the latter class of people exist for exigencies only.

{ b ) Some of the dealers again put in a few bad things in the lot; they either take undue advantage of the purchaser’s weakness, or think that he would not take the trouble of returning the articles. If at all he does try to return, they reserve to themselves the choice of accepting them, and, in almost all cases, refuse to take back. This audacious abuse of confidence is very bad and detrimental to the interests of the dealer.

 

The kind of honesty  expected  from   the trader is :—

5. Honesty in maintaining books

 

It is a habit with many merchants to maintain duplicate books, vouchers, bills etc. Duplicate books vouchers are maintained to cheat either the Income Tax Authorities or debtors and creditors, the debtors when they are illiterate and the creditors at the time of insolvency; whereas duplicate bills are shown to customers as a proof of quoted cost prices. These’ bills are prepared either by the merchant or his supplier who-is requested to show higher prices than actual. Another trick is sometimes played, the supplier being asked to show true prices but not the commission on the bill. This is justified by some people on the ground that commission is meant solely and entirely for the trader, and the purchaser has no-business with it. But in the true sense of the word it can be justified only when the trader plainly tells his customer that he receives a certain commission, the extent of which he cannot disclose. -The act of cheating the Income Tax Department puts Government to heavy loss, which is usually counteracted by revision of rates by Government, and the burden is. borne ultimately by these who do not, or by both. Besides, if once caught, they are heavily penalised.

The fact of anybody declaring himself insolvent, after setting aside certain properties for himself and having prepared false books for submission to Court, never remains a secret. and is often proved in the Courts of Law. In those cases, however, where sufficient evidence is not available to pin the dishonesty, there is a definite judgment against him in the business world, where each individual weighs his action the balance and finds himself wanting. Such a man  loses the confidence of the mercantile class, and everybody tries to keep him at a distance and hesitates to deal with him.

6. Honesty in general not covered by the above five cases

All these practices are bad; they are enumerated in the order of increasing importance and should be avoided by every businessman who .wants to expand his business. The traders who practise them are shortsighted, for they look to the immediate and not to the

 permanent gain. They do not understand that it is not a day’s business. If the public are  prejudiced against any dealer, the prejudice lasts for years, and may stand as a permanent  and indelible stain against his firm even though he be dead, and his posterity have to drudge heavily to wipe it off.

Remember: Dishonesty is detected always

All malpractices, deceitful tricks and other acts of dishonesty are bound to come to light some time; some are known on the very day and others later on. If one has praised his article too much and given it fictitious qualities, the truth will be known after use, when it will not stand the test. Dishonesty in the quality of materials, in samples, and in quantity is known the very moment the goods are received by the purchaser. One can

Befool one at all times

Or all at one time

But not all at all times.

Now-a-days the World has advanced considerably. Scientists are after speed; and are  providing all kinds of facilities with the result that the entire world is connected by Telegraph, Telephone and Wireless systems. Telepathy, and Television are abstract subjects no more. Every merchant worth the name keeps a Telephone instrument in his office, and market prices are being communicated to him every moment; therefore the chances of a big dealer’s cheating and being cheated in rates are remote. Besides, the present age is the age of specialization, and everybody knows the ins and outs of his field. He keeps up a thorough acquaintance with the rates and other information connected with  the commodities he deals in, and seldom allows himself to be cheated, if at all, and much  less by the same man twice. People do not hesitate to form opinions from a single instance, and that is what is being done. They do not want even to wait and defer judgment until a repetition occurs. If even from a distance they smell dishonesty, they would cut off their connection at once.

6. Efficacy of Low Profits

Every dealer should believe in low charges, ie. less profit and more custom (small profits and quick returns) and never in high profit which is bound to result in the long run in less custom – But whatever be his rates, they should be uniform, and then only can he be said to be honest.

7. Dealer should not play in quality

No dealer should play with quality; neither in toto nor in part, as the opposite party, failing to understand the dishonest intentions of the sender, forms an opinion, wrong though, that the general quality of his entire stock is bad.  This is detrimental to the reputation also of the manufacturer, who should see that no bad stuff leaves his factory. All the inferior output- should be forthwith sorted out and sold definitely at a low rate, not to the big merchants, but to the retail sellers. Better still would it be if each factory should create one or more shops, according to need, for the  purpose of selling such stuff under its direct guidance, so as to reduce the chances of  marring-its reputation-

8. In regard to the purchaser, the following are the acts
           of dishonesty performed by him.

(i)       If he sends for goods from two people dealing in the    same commodity, and perchance gets bad stuff from one who refuses to take it back, he tries to dump it on the other. This is a mean practice and is simply taking advantage of somebody’s goodness and reliance. In case the fact becomes known to him through the concerned supplier, as it generally happens, he is pained  at the trick of his customer, which naturally deters him from affording such facilities thereafter.

  (ii)      In the process of bargaining with a dealer he may falsely state that he is getting the same stuff cheaper, or better stuff at the same price from some other dealer, in order to compel him to reduce his rates. It is evident that the same trick cannot be repeated, and that it breaks the faith of his supplier.

(iii)    When the sample shown to him is really good, he generally disapproves of it or approves of it after higgle haggle, this is unfair. If he does not want to praise the article lest he should hear a high bid from him, he should keep silent. Such lies, like many other ones, can be avoided without any disadvantage, and, when one does not do so, he simply burdens his conscience for no gain.

9. Do as you wish to be done by.

Every trader is a purchaser and a seller at the same time, and should observe honesty in both the capacities. Unless he is an honest seller, he cannot be an honest buyer and vice versa. He should always keep in mind the maxim ‘Do as you wish to be done by ‘. This will guide him in both the lines, and when he feels that he has satisfied himself accord­ing to this test in both the ways, then only can he be called a successfully honest trader.

10. Quick rectification of bonafide mistakes increase confidence.

The trader should be honest in his accounts; if he has perchance committed a mistake in dispatching goods or preparing a bill,he should ,immediately he comes to know of it, correct it without waiting for its being   pointed out by   the other party.    Similarly, if   he   receives   any article   extra   or discovers a mistake in   account to   his   advantage,   he should forthwith point it out to his supplier.   Again, if perchance and through mistake, i.e. he has unintentionally charged some one higher rates, he should communicate the fact to that customer and credit the balance to his account or be prepared   to remit in   cash.       All    these    acts,    and    specially   the     last,   in­crease the   confidence   of his    supplier and   purchaser,   who-repay his goodness by advertising him among others.    This-evidently   brings him greater profit than he   would   otherwise have realized, for, in many cases, if he does not himself point it out , the other party does it, and claims the balance as a right..

11. The manufacturer and the consumer

There are two more classes of people who have dealings in trade, but are not traders. A trader necessarily is one who purchases certain goods and sells them at a profit. He is the middle man between the manufacturer and the con­sumer, the two classes of people under consideration. Both these have one sided dealings, the one sells and the other only purchases, and, because of their restricted dealings, they are not so tactful as the trader

The manufacturing class includes the artisan who prepares articles with his own hands on a small scale.  He is generally poor, and his business, like that of the manufacturer, depends upon the quality of the manu­factured articles.   He can retain his customers only if he continues using good raw materials and producing good stuff.

12. Psychology of the consumer

The consumer is a purchaser on a very small scale, but because of his existence in large numbers, he is the most important member of the trading circle, and, because every article has ultimately to go to him, his pleasure, and, choice is considered supreme. Both the manufacturer and the trader try to adopt their policy according to his taste. He purchases articles for his or his friends’ and relatives’ use. He wants good stuff and at a reasonable price; he frequents only those places where both these conditions are satisfied; and thus he always prefers an honest shopkeeper. He is reliant and will continue attending the same as long as nothing happens to break his faith which, if once broken, requires a very great effort to restore.  To make new customers, they say, is difficult, but to retain them is still more difficult.

Thus perpetual honesty is required to attract new customers and to retain old ones. Carelessness in this matter never pays the dealer, but will rather harm him. One may give away anything of one’s own accord or on demand, but never when he knows he is being cheated; he then feels much pain and many are actuated to revenge, when they know that they have been cheated. Further the consumer likes to make purchases from such shops as maintain fixed rates, for he is not a trader and naturally not so well versed in the line. Therefore be may not know the current prices of articles, especially of those that he occa­sionally requires. In a fixed-rate-shop he may have to pay a slightly higher price, but he feels sure that lie will not be cheated for a big sum, which is generally the case in shops where no uniform rates are charged, and where the shop-keeper tries to snatch as much as he can from the customer, the more so when he gets the clue that he has no definite knowledge of prices of the article.

The shopkeepers are usually clever enough to understand this at once from the manner of his enquiring. From what has been said above, it is absolutely clear that the shopkeeper can cheat the same man only once. A dishonest dealer can make successful business, when he gets every day new faces to deceive, and has to deal daily with different men not known to one another and not expected to meet one Another; or, if at all they meet’ they should not speak about the purchases made by them on that day or any of the previous days, so that everybody else remains in the dark and never knows about the dishonesty of the man unless he gets a chance to be cheated himself. This however, is an utterly impossible condition to realize. Or dishonesty may pay, where people are suppressed due to pres­sure of one’s superiority or where heads are corrupt; but such conditions do not exist in the business world, and where they exist, they never last long.

13. Honesty the best of all Qualities of a trader

As in other fields it is hard work and intelligence that establish a recruit, so in trade it is Honesty that can establish him. Cheerful temperament, a tendency to accommodate the customer in his choice and demand, agreeable manners, respect for the customer, self-respect and, last but not least. honesty in dealing are some of the qualities required for successful business, and, among them all, honesty stands Supreme, and makes up for all the deficiencies and defects of the trader. One needs to realize how difficult it would be if all people were dishonest; one could not then move an inch. One cannot then trust anyone with anything even for a  moment, nor can he pay him anything in advance.

14. False fears due to lack of self-confidence & experience

There is a general cry that the time for honesty is over, and that it is not valued now-a-days. There may be a grain of truth in the .statement, which amounts but to an acknowledgement of the struggle between honesty and dishonesty, or between truth and untruth which appears eternal, though. victory in the long run is never in doubt for honesty and truth. Under no case can dishonesty over-power honesty. Our fears against honesty are often merely theoretical, un- grounded, baseless and false. Our troubles are either; imaginary, self-created or self-invited. None of them that grumble against honesty has ever practised it, and never has he tasted the sweetness arising from it. His opinion is the opinion of others, who in turn cannot claim it as their own. Thus an idea, emanating from a few unworthy individuals, is passed on by several lips to several ears and obtains a strong grip over a large majority. A votary of dishonesty, when asked to state if he has put in serious efforts to follow up his trade by honesty or given a fair trial to it would certainly answer in the negative. People adopt the easiest course, they would like to go by the shortest route, they want to be rich in a day, and that is why they adopt dishonest means. The path of the honest dealer is weary in the beginning but joyful in the end, troublesome at the outset but easy in the long run, and tedious at the start but sure in due course. It is, of course, certain that he who starts his business on the lines of honest dealing will meet with opposition, but he should stand it bravely and every difficulty will melt away in due course leaving the way-clear for him. Generally every one who starts a new business meets with certain difficulties and obstacles: the success in the enterprise depends on the grit and tact of the actor. It is said that an honest man is offered more difficulties, but we should not at the same time forget that he has behind him, as an outcome of his honesty, a greater force to support him. This force is sure to succeed. The honest dealer may take long to establish, but when once established none can dislodge him. His success is lasting; the customers secured by him are permanent, and his profits regular, sure and more definite.

15. Honesty promotes, dishonesty impedes all business

Never can anyone lose in business because of his honesty, and when such a report is received, one can take it for certain that there must be some other defect or defects in the organization, and that were it not for honesty, the concerned party would have incurred greater loss and at a much -earlier date than otherwise, for, as said above, that which takes long to establish takes long to dwindle. Honesty in fact makes up for many defects in staff, in management, in organization and individual abilities; it protects from grave fears. Weak administration, careless management, deficient organization, expenditure disproportionate to income incurred for unnecessary show, squandering of money by responsible persons connected with the concern, improper investment, defective accounts and dishonesty on the part of some one or other are the salient causes of failures of business, heavy losses and bankruptcy. A majority of failures occuring in petty concerns are due to defective accounts, but a still higher proportion of failures in both petty and big concerns can be attributed to dishonesty. Dishonesty is a termite, a canker, a pest that can eat up the very tissue of any undertaking, retard its growth and finally destroy it in toto. It needs to be guarded against from the beginning to the end

 

16. Dishonesty – its effects on the employees

Dishonesty of the master induces the servant to be dishonest: it becomes a vicious circle ever widening itself by absorbing freshmen every day, and like an infectious disease catching hold of every one coming in contact- Every act of cheating by the employer produces a reflex effect on the employee, who, by his intimate contact with the former, is enamoured of the alluring gains easily got by the cut-short methods, and is tempted to adopt them for his personal benefit. He has none else to rob except his master; and he starts with double vengeance to make up for the time ‘uselessly passed in honesty’, he feels least for his master whose profession is cheating; and he knows that he has his share in the earnings of his master, which he wants to have over and above his pay as a reward; for sharing his sins and consequent smothering of his own conscience. The poor employer is doubly affected: his tricks-being sufficiently known by this time, his customers have started leaving him, and he finds his business on the wane on one hand, and on the other he is being robbed at home. He realizes his folly too late, or he may not realize it at all throughout his life. The vice invented by him has caught and entangled him. Similarly many partnerships have been ruined by dishonesty, If the same trader had put in all his efforts to prosper by honest means, he would surely have done better.

17. Causes of Occasional Thriving of Dishonest Men and Losing of Honest Men

 We have often seen a dishonest man thriving and honest man   losing.    We then   get   perplexed.  But let it be clear, that under such circumstances the dishonest man flourishes for his ability and skill and never for his dishonesty, while the honest man loses not for his professing honesty but for his incapacity, inefficiency and general weakness. If the former were to adopt honesty, in addition to his other qualities, he would thrive still more, and if the latter takes to dishonesty he would fall further. For fair comparison, either the same man or two equally competent men, or say nearly equal in qualities, should be made to start similar business under similar circumstances, but by different means, honest and dishonest, and it needs no prophet to say that honesty will bring betterprofits. Unfortunately the capable men are not. guided and trained in the honest methods with the result that they adopt the unnatural ones – which by its usage has become natural and easy or so-called easy course while weaklings who are really unfit to adopt any method, adhere to honesty for fear of being exposed, caught, or sent to gaol.

18. Honesty in Trade compared with Honesty outside

There is a vast difference in professing honesty in trade and elsewhere.  In trade it is easy. without complications, never harmful but always beneficial, whereas when followed outside trade, it invites opposition, entails trouble and requires greater nerve on the part of its adherent to stick to it. Though, even in the latter case, it is bound to lead to pros­perity, it may be a little later than expected. In trade it is in the interests of all those who have dealings with one another that everybody should be honest. Those who practise dishonesty do it for their sole personal gain which they wrongly think results from dishonesty. But, outside trade, there are certain spheres in which those having dealings with each other want one or the other party to be dishonest for their own personal and selfish benefit, and because of their pressure, some people are led into dishonesty. In trade it is entirely different, for, all the customers without a single exception will undoubtedly be pleased by their supplier’s honesty.

19. Extent of probable saving to the business world from wholesale honesty

To realize the utility of honesty it will be worth while to consider, what an amount of misery would be saved to the World, if dishonest men were removed from it. Of course, it is an Utopian idea, but is taken up here simply for argument’s sake. All auditing would then be unnecessary; accountants may remain, but auditors as a class would cease to exist. All watch and pro­tection against theft would be unnecessary. The World is spending millions merely and solely on watchmen and guards. Every individual has to adopt means to protect his property, and this too would be unnecessary. Dishonest men are a drag on the world, they are a drag on individuals and a drag on the merchant class as a whole.

20. Honesty the best policy

It is said that honesty is the best policy, and no­where is the significance of the saying so fully realized as in trade The Proverb is very expressive and important in the respect that it treats with the material side of honesty and lays no stress on its moral aspect. The enunciator of the proverb has made honesty stand on the merits of its use­fulness, and states it as a profitable policy, and all that has hitherto been stated is simply in expounding this maxim. Besides, all great men have emphasised its usefulness and they cannot all be wrong.

21.Scope of Honesty in moulding the future

Viewing things broadly we cannot help coming to the conclusion that our World is connected-with other lokas or worlds and that lives do not terminate here.  Each individual leads an eternal life of which the present one is but one out of many phases; its length or duration is but a tiny part of the Infinite whole. This is the scientific view of life and is not only accepted but propagated by great Scientists like Sir Oliver Lodge, the late President of the Royal Society of Science. That being so, it is but a logical conclusion that our actions will not only bear fruit here, but will mould our career in future births and effect our economic life there, as is the present moulded by the past Thus, even with a view to improve our future business career, we are required to be honest.

 

22. Honesty enhances social status and expands business

A dishonest man is held very low in the esteem of the society, and intimately connected as human beings are, we cannot for a moment disregard its opinion. Society can set aside any individual, it can non-co-operate with or do away with any undesirable fellow, but an individual cannot do so even though he may not like a particular society. Has not everybody seen the effect of social pressure in bringing round and moulding the worst type of people? Individuals have to submit to the social will, even though it be wrong; much more so, when it is right.  An honest man, who has established himself in the opinion of the public by his honest methods, finds himself safe in the hands of society, and his customers increase day by day. Every man attending his shop will bring a few more. Every trader has to depend upon the goodwill of his class and the general public, for the very word ‘trade’ means free transaction in commodities for mutual benefit. Thus honesty raises social status, which in turn expands one’s circle of acquaintance and increases his business.

23. National reputation affected by dishonesty

As individuals have to care for public opinion, for gaining which they put forth the most strenuous enorts that sometimes cost them their lives, so do nations have to care for and establish international reputation. Observance of honesty in international trade dealings is one of the most efficacious methods for maintaining such a reputation. A few fraudulent merchants are a blot on the nation ; they not only spoil their own case but prejudice all those who have dealings with them against the entire trading community of the nation they belong to. Besides, they create wrong impressions and false notions about their people, which, apart from affecting the international reputation of the country, gives a definite set-back to its trade with the consequent loss of revenue to Government and income to the people.  It is beyond the scope of this essay to suggest the methods necessary to be devised to guard against such dangerous people, but it will be sufficient to state here that all possible means should beadopted to prevent successfully any kind of dishonest tricks with outside merchants, and specially the habit of cheating in quantity or quality.

24. We should extend our vision to other classes of trading circles

The merchant or the shop-keeper spoken of so far is but typical of the business world. From wholesale dealers to the hawkers and pedlars, there are all grades and sorts included in this class. We have to think not only of him but extend our vision so as to include all business men from frequenters of stock exchanges to agents, brokers, touts, contractors and canvassers of every description, and from big hawkers on to the village ryot^[1] who is also seller and buyer.

 

25. Divine punishment^[1]

Folk stories about honesty and its benefits are told in every language. Poets and prose writers have eulogized on the one hand its charming effects and, on the other, censured dishonesty. The average man believes in them, but forgets them when the time for action comes. Nature adopts its usual methods and reminds him by some punishment; she has no power of speech, but has greater power to act, and so she teaches man by action and never by words. Every one of us must have heard of several cases of sudden fires, thefts, earthquakes and such other heavy calamities to individuals or classes or locali­ties. Sometimes one fails to unearth the cause, but often it is so apparent, manifest and definite that none can ever mistake it, and it is from such instances alone that men understand. Dishonesty, like all other bad qualities, brings its results and the punishment is as sure as Death. Man may for the time being rob others, and amass many treasures by thousands of tricks and dishonest methods, but nature snatches them with one stroke in a moment, exposing him and his acts mercilessly. The reason that honest dealers are also sometimes subject to such calamities deprives in no way honesty of its beneficial blessings, for it may be that they may have been penalized for some other crime of theirs, belonging to the past. It may also be that the punishment has been lightened, because of his professing honesty. lt should then be taken as. an admonition.

26. Religious injunction

Besides, there are commandments in every religion prohibiting cheating of others. Honesty talked of by all. religious books is really speaking honesty in trade, for all dealings in money and goods come under trade and we will not be far wrong in saying that general honesty means honesty in trade.

Summary

In a few words, honesty establishes business, helps in maintaining and expanding it; it leads to prosperity and peace of mind, enhances social status, international reputation and is sure in its effects though seemingly slow

THE END

When your children use the Internet to search for images for projects or anything related to school work, please encourage them to use _Kiddle_ instead of Google.

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Public & children safety messages are important. Please share this post

 

 

If you’ve ever found yourself a couch potato in front of the TV after a bad day, mindlessly scooping ice cream out of the container with a spoon, you know that mood and food are linked. If the relationship between food and mood is a verified phenomenon, the correlation between foods you got as an infant and how you will do in life is even more important. As most of the world ready to celebrate yet another Father’s Day, UNICEF has given dads a thumbs up on the key role they can play in the nutrition and well-being of their babies. “Fathers have the power to build their babies’ brains,’ a UNICEF release said ahead of Father’s Day. “There is no time more critical for brain development than the first 1,000 days of a child’s life, and there is a growing body of evidence that fathers hold a huge stake in this process.”

The responsibility, so far, of most childhood campaigns, be it proper nutrition or timely vaccinations has been on the mother.  This approach inadvertently missed on a key component for the all-round development of the child. UNICEF India, in its EarlyMomentsMatter campaign, urges fathers to be equal partners in the healthy development of their babies’ brains, leading to their well-being in adult life. “This year’s focus is on food and nutrition,” said UNICEF’s Chief of Nutrition, Mr. Arjan Waqt at a roundtable with media in Delhi as part of Father’s Day celebrations. “Nutrition is not just filling the stomach. UNICEF India will celebrate the ABCs of good parenting for healthy brain development and highlight the importance of protection, nutrition, and stimulation in the earliest years of life.”

Fathers have an important role at various stages of a child’s life, beginning with conception, to childbirth and followed by post-natal care. According to research, over 80% of a baby’s brain is formed by three years. “Babies need nutrition, protection, and stimulation in the earliest years of life for healthy brain development – particularly from pregnancy to age three,” Raji Nair, a nutrition expert with the organization told this journalist. The effects of malnutrition are not reversible. If the child is undernourished during the first 2 years of life, the consequences can be life-long.

This UN body that works in 190 countries to ameliorate the plight of children, especially the most vulnerable and excluded, will also be building in India a community of dads online and offline who can share their experiences of parenting and exchange tips, officials said at the roundtable.

Sometimes social and cultural beliefs may inhibit a new father to be present with mother and child. UNICEF is using Father’s Day to renew its call to break down such barriers that prevent fathers from spending quality time with their young children. “More than just a second parent or an extra set of hands, fathers are one of the best child development resources we have, and if we are going to give children the best start in life, we all need to fully recognize and utilize this role,” said UNICEF Chief of Early Childhood Development Dr. Pia Britto in a press release.

As part of its tribute to fathers around the globe and part of it ‘Super Dads’ campaign, UNICEF launched a new parenting site to bring together fathers from across the world to share their parenting tips. The site will also give nutrition guide for healthy brain development.

Neuroscientists have proved that children who spend their earliest years of life, particularly their first 1000 days in a nurturing and stimulating environment, have their brains develop at an optimal speed. These neural connections lead to well-adjusted adults later in life. “When fathers bond with their children from the beginning of their lives and play an active role in their development the children will have better psychological health, self-esteem and will become healthier and happier adults,” said Waqt.

UNICEF India’s Super Dad campaign is participative and wherein you can share a video – What does it take to be a super dad/real dad/baapwalibaat and submit via Twitter and Instagram. Primary hashtag: #EarlyMomentsMatter  
Secondary hashtags: #BaapWaliBaat  and #FathersDay.
There is a prize to be won in this contest.

The story of independence of India and the birth of Pakistan is one of the bloodiest sectarian violence, bloodbath, loot, rape and bone-chilling slaughter. It was witness to one of the greatest migrations in human history.

On the midnight of August 15, 1947, India’s first prime minister Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru addressed the nation with powerful lines “At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom……..” Unfortunately, she also awoke to untold deaths and massacre, abductions, fear and displacement. The partition of Punjab remains by far the bloodiest part of Indian history, the dirtiest and scariest of all, tagging along as it did with the joy of freedom.

The division of British India into India and Pakistan led to the dislocation of between twelve and sixteen million people, a million violent deaths, and the abduction and rape of seventy-five thousand women, many of whom were then disfigured or dismembered. Families were divided, properties lost and homes destroyed. It left both countries with deep psychological and political scars.
Though the struggle for the independence of India had taken place over decades, the British authorities’ decision to grant sovereignty and ultimately to divide the country was hurried through in a matter of months. Interestingly, the person who was behind India’s partition had never seen the country. A new boundary had to be urgently drawn up and the man chosen for the task had never been east of Paris. British barrister, Sir John Radcliffe arrived in India on July 8th, with Partition only 36 days away.
Radcliff was commissioned to equitably divide 4,50,000 km sq of territory with 88 million people. With no complete information about the geography of India, he divided the two nations on the basis of maps, castes and religions.

“When they partitioned, there were probably no two countries on Earth as alike as India and Pakistan,” said Nisid Hajari, the author of “Midnight’s Furies: The Deadly Legacy of India’s Partition.” But after partition was announced, the subcontinent descended quickly into riots and bloodshed. Hindus and Sikhs fled Pakistan, a country that would be Muslim-controlled. Muslims in modern-day India fled in the opposite direction.

Punjab and Bengal, the two provinces that were divided, were the most affected but so were other parts of the country. Mixed populations comprising of Hindus, Muslim, Sikh, Christian etc were more the norm than not in rural and urban India.
Government documents accessed by researchers provide blood-curdling details of what happened during partition, as well as alphabetical lists of the names of women who were abducted. Witnesses have said that trains crossing the new border were filled with corpses from either side. People were “cut down like carrots and radishes,” an expression often used in many Indian family stories. On the other side, they would become refugees — penniless, homeless strangers in a strange land.
Hundreds of thousands of Indians have remained trapped in their private pain, carrying the trauma of homes and families lost. The generation that witnessed the gory division, migration and the bloodbath is dwindling and those who remain are a treasure trove of that part of history that continues to define geo-political reality of the subcontinent even today.

Silence has been a way of coping that enabled the people to survive and carry on with the business of life. Many of my interviews began with people questioning the need to rake up the past. However, these are the stories of some of those who survived.

KASHMIR 1947

While some people and institutions lately have woken up to chronicle the accounts of witnesses from Punjab, there still remains an unwritten and less-discussed part of history – a parallel drama of blood and rape enacted in another state of India.
In August 1947, when India became independent, all 565 princely states had to decide whether to join the Dominion of India or Pakistan.
The princely state of Jammu and Kashmir had not decided which side to join by August 1947. Pakistan believed that J&K should belong to their side since it housed a large number of Muslims. Maharaja Hari Singh, the ruler of Jammu and Kashmir, could not decide which country to join. While he was a Hindu, his population consisted of a Muslim majority. “He therefore did nothing,” wrote Victoria Schofield, author of Kashmir in Conflict.
In the meantime, Kashmir faced invasion from Pashtun tribesmen belonging to Pakistani territory in October, 1947. Hari Singh wrote to Mountbatten, requesting intervention. Hari Singh mentioned that massive, loot, rape and destruction of life were taking place in Kashmir. Failing to maintain the law and order situation, the ruler asked for military assistance from India. “Afridis, soldiers in plain clothes, and desperadoes with modern weapons have been allowed to infilter into the State…” wrote Maharaja of Jammu and Kashmir, Hari Singh in a letter to Lord Mountbatten, Governor General of India, on Oct 26, 1947. “The number of women who have been kidnapped and raped makes my heart bleed,” he said.

KASHMIR 1989

Many Kashmiri Pandits who lived through and survived the bestial tribal attack and the concomitant rape and arson of 1947, relived the trauma once again in their life-time when they were driven out of their homes in 1989. The threats had been coming in for a long time, but the night of January 19, 1990, is said to have seen a demented assault of a different level. For the Kashmiri Pandits the sense of being uprooted was felt very strongly as there was a complete change in ecology and loss of status, property, and prestige. Even 28 years later, Kashmiri Pandits shiver remembering the night that forced them into exodus.
Survivors, both, of 1947 bloodbath– from Punjab and Kashmir, and the 1990 mass exodus, have moved on with their lives often to achieve greater glories. Yet it remains a story of great human pain and hardship – both at the emotional and physical level. It is also an amazing tale of supreme endurance and triumph of human spirit. Most of these people I have spoken to have not had the western luxury of going in for a therapy to get over their life-altering experiences. If they carried the wounds of a tumultuous childhood they hid them well. All the people I talked to, spoke of their past with an unbelievable level of detachment. It has left me awe-struck at the resilience of human spirit.

Grown up people are full of complaints against their own children. All moral lectures are for them. They are blamed for mistreating and having non-caring attitude towards their parents. Is this the whole truth or are we unaware about how it happened?

Bringing up a child is a 24 hours job and a great responsibility. The emotional need of a child is most important for first thirteen years. That has to be taken care of, by both the parents, equally. It is not at all the sole responsibility of one of the spouse only. Here we are talking about people leading a comfortable life. Problems are part of life, but how to manage and deal with it, a child learns from his or her parents.

Let us take a flash back.

Ritu and Neeraj get married; both are doing well in their careers and want to attain more. But after 3 years of marriage, they are being continuously pressurised by their family and friends, to have a baby. Neeraj and Ritu decide to have a child and get rid of every day’s nagging. Ritu delivers a healthy baby girl, Banni.

Case 1

Neeraj: “Why don’t you take a break for a few years from your job, become a house wife and a full time mom. You also need to take care of your own health too.”

Ritu agrees. Few years later she feels the whole world around her is growing except her. Whereas she is engaged in a thankless and unpaid job, everyone takes her for granted. This frustrates her. She expects attention and few words of appreciation from her husband, whereas, she is been used as a punching bag by others. Neeraj does not know how to handle a demanding job, a wife and the child simultaneously. Unconsciously, the frustration of both the parents gets transferred directly or indirectly to the child.

An innocent child’s mind, subconsciously learns, that only with more money can one win the respect from others. Whereas, people doing a house job, having a simple and soft nature are often taken for granted.

Case 2

Ritu:  “In this fast changing technology. I will be left far behind in my career. My parents have equally invested in me and I have put the same amount of hard work as you. I cannot afford to leave my job at the peak of my career.”

Neeraj “Whatever is mine, is yours too, and besides, who will take care of Banni?”

Ritu: “later on in life, you will not hesitate to tell me to leave your home in small fights and arguments. Then suddenly your money would not belong to me. And why is Banni only my responsibility?”

Neeraj “That’s your ego”

Ritu: “You may use the word ‘ego’ for me, but in similar situation you would be using ‘Self-respect’ and ‘job satisfaction’ for yourself. But the truth is that we all have desires as human beings. You too want that your work should be recognised in the world. Also you want more money, big car, expensive phone and attention from your boss etc. And, for that you are totally focused to achieve it, which I completely understand. But why are my desires and longings are not understandable to you?”

Neeraj agrees with her after few arguments. They decide to take help from their parents and to hire a full time house helper.

Neeraj’s parents are with them now, but all the time they kept reminding Ritu about her duties as a mother and a wife.

Neeraj’s Mother: “I had two children and I have sacrificed everything for them. I have brought them up in the best way, by being at home all the time.”

Ritu did not dare to say anything to her, but she thought to herself “you did not have any other option. You had nothing to sacrifice; also you were not professionally qualified either.”

After being pissed off by the constant nagging of Neeraj’s parents, she finally decides to take help of her own parents instead. They happily agreed and took care of everything but they had to go back home after a year. The couple tried many full time maids.

Banni is fed by the maid most of the time,

Banni watches T.V. most of the time for entertainment.

Banni plays, and is with her maid most of the time.

Neeraj and Ritu are back in the evening, very tired. After spending one hour with Banni, they get back to their laptop, phones, WhatsApp, conferences, shopping etc. Sometimes, when Banni becomes more demanding, Neeraj hands over the phone to her, to placate her.

A few months later, taking the advantage of the situation, the maid demands more money yet there is the security issues and many other concerns. They decide to send Banni to a playschool. A two year old child feels lost there. Crying on top of her voice – but no one cares or understands. Banni is standing alone at one corner of the playschool, not eating or playing. She only cries for her parents and waits for them to come and pick her up in their arms.

School teacher says Banni is not yet settled, it is normal for kids to cry for a week. After 4 days the innocent child surrenders. Papa and Mama are not going to come anyway before the evening. Banni subconsciously is introduced with fear, unreasonable scolding from teachers and maids who are managing many kids at the same time. Banni is not allowed to express her likes and dislikes, playfulness, excitement and joy. Everyone expects her to be perfect and behave like grownups. An innocent mind learns to manipulate and to tell a lie in a most convincing way.

But, at home she shouts, screams and be naughty because this is the place she thinks belongs to her. She vents her frustration and anger (what she had accumulated from school) but parents don’t understand why she behaves in such a way. They discuss her behaviour with every second person. People sympathise fully with the parents and give all kinds of strange suggestion. Banni feels all this quietly and does not know what to say and whom to say it to? What Banni goes through, remains in her heart forever. She finds that T.V and iPhone are the best friends, because here no one judges the child and she can distract her mind.

Then why do the parents, later expect unconditional love, acceptance and understanding from the child who has never received it? An innocent child does not know how and when the bitterness, selfishness became part of her nature. The child has not seen reasonability and sensitivity shown to her. She has not learnt how to deal with anger, anxiety and restlessness. She has not seen anyone managing the relationship with love, politeness and patience. Rather, the world teaches her how to dominate and control others. And then children are made to feel guilty! Why?

We all are children. Our parents were also children of our grandparents. And we got almost everything in our personality from our parents. But someone has to stop inheriting the duality and take charge of his or her own life. This can be done by an adult only. That needs lots of effort and awareness.

Children don’t need to meditate; they are innocent, free from all pre conceived notions and therefore receptive. Whatever they observe they learn. If you want to teach them something, just do it yourself and the child will sooner or later adopt it. Children are your mirror image and they are just reciprocating the behaviour of the parents and teachers.  It is we as parents and teachers who have to be more aware and conscious, so that we don’t transfer restlessness, anxiety, anger and fear in the child.

We can’t push kids to cultivate habits of reading whereas we ourselves are only occupied with television serials and phones. We can’t make the child meditate where as we never do it ourselves. We can’t expect them to be calm, whereas we are occupied in too many activities.

Parents need to have some saturation of material desires, and then only can they focus on the child’s needs. Love and respect between the parents is the most important element. Let the child grow in a combination of unconditional love and strength. Kids observe us all the time, don’t manipulate them and justify yourself. Let them learn through your action- how you handle a situation and relationships in your life. This process might be slow but eventually they would follow us. Every child is precious and parenting is a great responsibility.

Children are like buds in a garden and they should be carefully and lovingly nurtured

–  Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru.